The Truth Hurts
by B'Elanna Paris
Summary: Set during & after Memorial. CODA. Tom & B’Elanna are ignoring each other.


Author: B'Elanna Paris 

Title: 'The Truth Hurts' 

Rating: G 

Date: 04/2002 

Disclaimer: All characters and Star Trek related material belongs to Paramount Pictures. 

E-Mail: dqcafe@yahoo.co.uk 

Feedback would be much appreciated. 

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Set during & after Memorial. CODA. Tom & B'Elanna are ignoring each other. 

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B'Elanna had just left Tom's quarters, she was angry. But she knew she shouldn't be though. Tom really believed that he had taken part in those atrocities. He couldn't have though, she knew he would never do anything like that. She made it to the turbolift. "Deck 9" she shouted. 

She was culching her fists, she was about to burst. And she did. She kicked the turbolift quite a few times in her anger. It hurt her more than it hurt the turbolift. The turbolift doors opened, she limped to her quarters, her right foot was throbbing like hell. Only Tom Paris ever drives her this mad. 

She went and lay on the bed. Why didn't he want her to be close, to help him through this? She couldn't believe how he screamed at her. They'd had terrible fights in the past but he had never actually screamed at her, except for when Alice was controlling him, B'Elanna knew that wasn't really him. 

B'Elanna knew this was probably harder on him than it was on anyone else. She was sure that he was remembering Caldik Prime. Of course, he would never talk about it. 

*********************************************** 

Chief Engineer's Personal Log Stardate 53587.4 

Well, we found that damn planet and that 'memorial' thing that has been giving people memories which aren't there own. I saw Tom an hour ago in the mess hall 

and he still didn't seem 'relieved' that they were not his memories. I don't know what to do, why won't he let me in. 

*********************************************** 

They had both been avoiding each other for a couple of days now. Since the 'Alice' incident everything in their relationship had been running smoothly and then this had to happen, she thought. 

She glanced at the time, 10.02, time to get to bed, early start tomorrow. After B'Elanna had finished all of her ablutions, she had just began to climb into bed, when her announcer rang. 'Not now', she thought. 

"Come," she said. It was Tom, "Tom what are you doing here?" 

"I wanted to talk about....." 

B'Elanna cut him off, "Tom, this isn't really a good time." B'Elanna wasn't prepared for this. 

"Well, when is a good time B'Elanna?" he shouted. 

That got her attention. 

"Look, Tom, really isn't the time, I've got engineering reports to do!" 

"Well, it looks to me as if you were going to bed!" Tom countered, noticing no PADDs in sight and the rumpled bed clothes. 

"I was going to do them in bed." she retorted. 

"That's not like you" 

Tom hadn't got the hint. "Well, maybe I've changed my habits!" Just trying to get rid of him. 

"Right, well, I should leave to your precious reports then!" 

"Why don't you just do that!" 

Tom turned and left. Why did she just do that? Why couldn't she just talk to him? Why? Or maybe it was him? 

************************************************* 

B'Elanna had laid awake, she just couldn't get to sleep. It was 00.37 hours in the morning. She was going to speak to Tom, that was if he was awake. 

As B'Elanna walked through Voyager's corridors at night, with her pyjamas and her dressing gown on. She hadn't even bothered to put her slippers on, s o her feet were cold. 

She finally reached Tom's door. Was he awake? What was he going to say? Well, I'm here now....... 

Just as B'Elanna was going to press the code into his quarters (if he was asleep she didn't want to wake him). His door opened to reveal: "Tom" 

"Huh, B'Elanna, I was just about to come and see you." 

"I'm here, now." she said, seeing the irony in the situation. 

Tom let B'Elanna past, to get into his quarters. 

"Look, Tom, I'm sorry!" 

"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have barged into your quarters like that!" 

"It doesn't matter." 

"It does B'Elanna and what I'm really sorry for is how I shouted at you when.." she cut him off. 

"Tom there's no need, what you went through, it pushed you to your limits." 

Tom felt something coming, "But?" 

"But when things happen.... you clam up and don't let anyone near you, to help. I just want to........" 

"Are you offering to be my counselor? I'm not gonna just spill my life out to you when you feel I have clammed up." He could feel the anger rising up inside him. 

"This is exactly what I'm talking about Tom. You being defensive, putting a mask over what is really going on with you!" 

"I'm not the only one around here who clams up!" He snapped. 

"Okay Tom, I know I can be.... push people away but I'm trying I'm getting better." 

"That's what you've been saying for the past two years!" 

"What?" Facing the fact. 

"B'Elanna, this is exactly the same argument we were having two years ago, even before we going out." 

"They're not as frequent as they used to be!" She was fooling herself. 

"Huh! We seem to be stuck at the same point. I wonder sometimes is it all really worth it?" 

"So, your saying its over?" 

"I don't what I'm saying." 

B'Elanna left. 

*********************************************** 

The next day; B'Elanna was feeling upset, confused, angry, tired and numb. 

Last night, it was like, apart of her had just died. It hadn't straight away, it gone gradually through the night as she had laid awake, thinking about Tom. The more she thought about it the worse it felt. They had split up, or had they? It felt like they had. B'Elanna had gone around there to let Tom apologise for what he had said and what she had said. Instead, he had turned things around, or had she? She had become defensive at the home truths that Tom had began dishing out and the row had escalated from there. 

Their first night together nearly two years ago, she had promised Tom to not push him away anymore. She had gone back on that so many times. No wonder, Tom was rethinking their relationship. 

They did seem to be stuck in a groove and B'Elanna wanted to get out of it for her sake as well as Tom's. 

******************************************* 

B'Elanna sat in the corner of the mess hall on her own, that is until Harry came in and collected his breakfast from Neelix and came to sit with her. 

"Harry, I don't want any company right now." She politely said, hoping he would take the hint. 

"Tom, told me what happened." 

B'Elanna let a sarcastic laugh, "Already, it's only 09.00." 

"B'Elanna, he's really cut up, about this." 

"So, why isn't he here telling me himself." 

******************************************* 

The Bridge at 12.00, people are beginning to leave for lunch. B'Elanna was sitting at her console, keeping her eyes firmly down. The temptation to look up kept coming when she felt as though a pair of eyes, a pair of blue eyes were upon her. 

And then they were, "Want to get lunch?" 

"Erm, I've got work to do." Now who was avoiding a conversation. 

The Captain's voice interrupted their conversation, "B'Elanna you can go have lunch, we don't need you at the moment." 

"Ok, Captain," what else could she say? 

B'Elanna got up and walked towards the turbolift with Tom in silence. They stood in silence until B'Elanna realised they needed to tell the computer where to go, "Deck 2, Mess hall." she commanded. 

"B'Elanna, I'm sorry." 

She didn't say anything, she just kept staring forwards. 

"Computer, halt turbolift. For God sake B'Elanna talk to me!" 

"What do you want me to say Tom, that I forgive you? When I should be congratulating you for telling me the truth about myself." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Me. Clamming up.... pushing people away. I keep doing it, though I keep promising not to, I'm not sure why you stick with me. And I couldn't blame you if you left me." 

"B'Elanna, just because you clam up, try and push me away, doesn't mean I'm gonna leave you. I Love You." 

B'Elanna turned to face him, "You.... love me? Really?" 

"Of course, I do. I know I never said it before but I have tried to show you." 

"I suppose I've always known, it's just nice to hear you finally say it." 

"So are we okay?" 

"Computer, Resume." A metaphor for resuming their relationship. 

THE END 


End file.
